Why Do I Need to Put My Baby Down Awake? Is It Really Necessary?
Yes, it is absolutely necessary. Obviously there are no hard and fast rules here, but you really want to find a good balance between holding your baby throughout the day and night, and putting them down awake for naps, bedtime, and during their awake time too.
Putting your baby down throughout the day helps them get used to the idea of being put down in the first place. If you have a baby who is held all day, chances are they're going to have a tough time being put down at all, during the day and at bedtime. So focus on working this in here and there to help them get comfortable with the world outside of your arms.
Doing this throughout the day is also great practice leading up to naps and bedtime. The more your baby is used to being put down while awake during the day, the easier a time they'll have come bedtime. They'll already have had tons of practice being put down and the confidence to be on their own in the crib, so it will feel like less of a shock when you put them down awake at night.
What If My Baby Is Used to Falling Asleep in My Arms First?
I got you. This is intimidating, especially for babies who are used to going down fast asleep. I promise you, they can learn to do this.
Start by putting your baby down more on the drowsy side for a few days, then slowly start putting them down more and more awake. You can hang out with your baby while they settle, or step out of the room and see what happens, it's up to you. But over time, they'll get the hang of it and eventually be able to fall asleep totally independently in the crib.
My Baby Screams the Second I Put Her Down Awake. What Do I Do?
I know it's not easy. I know you're frustrated. I know you're wondering "what's the point," how long this will take, and if your baby will ever get the hang of it.
I want to reassure you, your baby's response to being put down awake is completely normal. It's expected. It's exactly what I tell parents to anticipate.
Your baby is just as confused as you are in that moment. They have no idea where they are when they're put down awake, they're used to falling asleep in the cozy confines of your arms, a stroller, or wherever else. Putting them down awake makes them feel like a fish out of water. You can't expect smiles and giggles, or for them to just lay their head down happily and doze off on the first try.
There's going to be some resistance, some confusion, some tears. This is normal.
But don't give up. It takes time. The more your baby practices being put down awake, the more comfortable they'll become with it, and the easier they'll fall asleep. It pays off in the end, so hang in there and keep practicing.
Why Is Putting My Baby Down Fast Asleep a Problem?
Great question, and there are a couple of key reasons.
It causes micro naps. Micro naps are one of the most overlooked sleep disturbances. We want to avoid them because a micro nap gives your baby just enough of an energy boost to stay awake longer, have more trouble falling asleep, and reset their sleep pressure. This is actually why I recommend avoiding the "drowsy but awake" transfer, drowsy but awake usually means your baby has already entered the first stage of sleep before being put down, which sets up exactly this problem.
It doesn't allow your baby to learn to fall asleep independently. If your baby falls asleep in your arms and is then transferred to the crib, they'll need your help falling back asleep the same way every time they wake up during the night. You want them alert, awake, and aware when they're put down, so they can familiarize themselves with their sleep space and learn to fall asleep on their own.
Bottom line: start putting your baby down before they enter that drowsy state, and begin teaching independent sleep by putting them down awake, eyes open and alert.
Why Does My Baby Wake Up the Second They're Put Down?
Here are the top reasons this happens, and what to do about each one.
They were put down too drowsy. Try putting them down more awake instead.
The startle reflex was triggered during the transfer. Swaddle babies 3 months and under to help minimize this.
They're dependent on a sleep prop and can't fall asleep unassisted. Start encouraging independent sleep during the transfer.
They were put down too abruptly. Try gently rolling them from their side to their back during the transfer instead, it's a much less jarring motion.
They may still be hungry. Make sure your baby is getting full, proper feedings throughout the day to support good sleep.
Helpful Tips to Get Your Baby Used to Being Put Down
Practice coming and going. Whenever you put your baby down, whether in the crib or during awake time on the playmat, practice leaving the room and coming back. Each time you return, tell your baby "mommy always comes back." Over time, this builds trust, and your baby becomes okay with you not being there every single second, which helps with sleep too.
Put your baby down awake in the crib. Start by putting them down more drowsy for a few days, then slowly shift toward putting them down more and more awake. They'll get the hang of it and eventually learn to fall asleep on their own.
Put your baby on a playmat. It's a great way for them to explore their environment independently and freely, and it helps get them used to not being held all day.
Put baby in a stroller or bouncy seat. You can still spend quality time together this way, talk to your baby while you do chores or make dinner, and check in periodically so they know you're there.
Spend quality time with your baby in their room. A few minutes each day during awake time, and in the evening before bedtime, playing with your baby in their own room helps familiarize them with the space they're sleeping in.
One Last Thing
If you've read all of this and thought, "wow, it seems like I can never hold my baby," think again. None of this means you can't hold or snuggle your baby as much as you want, during the day or before bedtime. There are no rules against that. Cash in on those cuddles whenever you feel like it, but also know that you don't have to feel guilty for wanting to put your baby down at some point too.
It's all about finding the right balance, holding your baby as much as you both want, while also recognizing when and how to put them down so they can build the skills and confidence to sleep well. You'll both benefit from it.
Does your baby scream the second they're put down? Let me know in the comments, I'll help you figure out what's going on.
What is the problem with putting my baby down fast asleep?
This is such a great question!
There are a few reasons why it’s problematic to put your baby down fast asleep, but here are the main reasons:
Putting baby down fast asleep causes micro naps. Micro naps are one of the most overlooked sleep disturbances. The reason we want to avoid them is because a micro nap gives your baby just enough of an energy boost to stay awake, have trouble falling asleep and setting that sleep pressure back. This is why I always recommend avoiding putting your baby down ‘drowsy but awake’. The problem with drowsy but awake essentially means that your baby has entered their first stage of sleep and has dozed off right before being put down.
Because it does not allow your baby learn how to fall asleep independently. If your baby falls asleep in your arms and is then transferred to the crib, he is going to need your help falling back asleep the same way, every single time he wakes up! You want them to be alert, awake and aware when being put down so that they can familiarize themeslves with their sleep space and learn to fall asleep on their own.
So bottom line is: Start putting them down BEFORE they enter this drowsy state and start teaching them how to fall asleep independently by putting them down awake with eyes open and alert.
Read the full blog here about micro naps and about putting your baby down awake.
Why does my baby wake up the second they’re put down in the crib?
Here are the top 5 reasons reasons why your baby is waking up as soon as they’re set down…
1. They may have been put down too drowsy. Try putting them down awake, not drowsy!
2. They may have triggered the startle reflex upon being set down. Swaddle babies 3 months and under.
3. They are likely dependent on a sleep prop and unable to fall asleep unassisted. Start encouraging independent sleep.
4. They may have been put down too abruptly, causing them to jerk awake. Try gently rolling them from their side to their back. This is less abrupt.
5. They may not have had enough to eat and are still hungry . Make sure your baby is getting proper, full feedings throughout the day to ensure good sleep and growth.
Here are some helpful tips to get your baby used to being put down:
Practice coming and going.Whenever you put your baby down, whether in the crib or during awake time on the play mat, practice coming and going to help your baby get comfortable with you leaving the room.
Each time upon returning, tell your baby that “mommy always comes back.” Allow him to trust that you will return and over time, he will be ok with you not being there at every second. This will help with sleep as well!
Put your baby down awake in the cribStart by putting him down more drowsy for a few days and slowly start to put him down more and more awake. He will get the hang of it and eventually learn how to fall asleep on his own in the crib.
Put your baby down on a play mat
It's a great way for them to explore the environment around them independently and freely. It will also get them used to not being held all day.Put baby in a stroller or bouncy seat.Spend quality time with your baby while they sit next to you. Talk to your baby as you do chores or make dinner & check in to tell them that you're there.
spend quality time with your baby in their room.Spend a few minutes each day during their awake time and in the evening before bedtime playing with your baby in his/her room. This will help familiarize them with the space they're sleeping in.
If you’ve read this blogpost and thought, wow, it seems like I can never hold my baby, think again. It does not mean you can't hold or snuggle your baby as much as you want during the day or before bedtime. There are no rules to this, so cash in on those cuddles whenever you feel like it, but also know that you don't have to feel guilty for wanting to put your baby down at some point, too.
It’s about finding the right balance between holding your baby too much, knowing when yo put them down and knowing that it’s ok to put them down. You will both benefit from this.
