Siblings and sharing a room

In today’s post we are going to talk all about sibling room sharing, what to expect, the good, the bad and the ugly. So let’s jump right in.

Let’s start off by talking about babies and toddler bunking in together and what that looks like. So your toddler and baby are now sharing a room…now what?

First of all, I wanna say that you don’t need to rush babies and toddlers in together If you don’t have to. They will have plenty of time to share a room together when they get a bit older. That being said, maybe you need to move them in together for whatever reason…don’t worry, they will adapt and they will be fine and just keep reading…

Here are my top ten tips for babies and toddlers sharing a room

1. make sure you have independent sleepers
   This is going to be very helpful for everyone! You want to make sure your children are sleeping well so that there is minimal risk of the waking each other up at night and disputing each other’s sleep.
   

2. Do one bedtime routine for both kids
   I find it easier to get in one bedtime for all the kids (unless you have vastly different ages, like an infant and a 10 year old for example). But for the most part, It’s easier to kill 2 birds with one stone and do one bedtime routine for kids of similar ages, where they all prepare for bedtime at the same time, even if they have slightly different bedtimes. Use the time to spend 1:1 time with the child who goes to sleep second. This is a great way to maximize the time in the evening so that you aren’t stuck doing 2-3 different bedtimes.

3. Stagger bedtimes
   Staggering bedtimes is recommended to ensure that the more tired child has a chance to fall asleep and not be disturbed during bedtime. You will have less monkeying around and talking with staggered bedtimes.
   

4. Talk to your toddler before moving baby into the room
   Communicate with your toddler about a sibling joining the room. explain simple expectations and rules that you have for your toddler.
   

5. Don’t put the crib and the bed right next to each other
   Spread them as far apart as possible. The less likely they will disturb each other and you want them to get used to their own space in the room.
   

6. Noise machine to help drown out any noises
   One Child may be an earlier riser and one child may make a lot of noise, or maybe there’s a lot of noise outside the room to begin with.
   

7. Blackout shades to prevent early morning waking
   For the early bird - you want to keep him sleeping till a normal time in the morning, so do what you can to prevent those early morning wakings.
   

8. An ok-to-wake clock for your toddler
   This will help your toddler understand what time it is and help him stay in bed at bedtime or if he wakes super early in the morning.
   

9. Child proof the room, make sure it is safe!
   Make 100 percent sure that the room is safe and secure. Fasten bookshelves, outlet safety covers, locked windows, etc…
   

10. Lower your expectations
    It’s not going to be perfect and it’s ok. Bedtime can often be a bit hectic and you can’t expect to have a perfectly smooth bedtime night in and night out. Tantrums will be thrown, bedtime gets delayed for whatever reason. Let it go.

What about old children sharing a room?

Here’s What to expect:

They will initially be very excited to be sharing a room. This excitement can cause some wildness and late nights at first, but they eventually do get used to sleeping in the room together. Stay nearby to remind them that it's bedtime and reinforce bedtime rules and expectations. If need be, you may have to separate them from time to time or stagger bedtimes if they can't calm down or abide by the rules.

Here is my 3 part bedtime routine for older kids sharing a room.

Part 1: wind down time

Give your children fair warning that bedtime is approaching. Allow them to finish up what they need to. It's time for a last minute snack or drink. All bedtime prep, brushing teeth, bathroom, etc...are all included. Once finished, they are on their way to bed.

Part 2: Monkey around time

That's right. Give your children 10-15 minutes to monkey around. Allow them to talk and play quietly. They can read if they want. Build time in for this in your bedtime routine. We know that they're going to do it anyway, so why not allow them the chance to do it with permission and without feeling like they're doing something wrong. They need to get it out of their system and it's a great way for them to spend time together at the end of the day and unwind. Tell them when they have about 5 minutes left. It's also a great way to give them some control over bedtime and make is feel more relaxed.

Part 3: Bedtime

Now it's time to really wind down and go to sleep. This can often require some reinforcement on your part, especially when they first start sharing a room. They've had ample time to play and get it out of their system, they've had fair warning of how much time they had left to play and now it's time to end the fun. Remind them what time it is and that they can do this again tomorrow night. It's ok to take this privilege away if they are unable to follow bedtime rules.

But I’m afraid to let my kids share a room

If you are afraid, this is so normal. So much unknown territory right here, especially if it’s your first time putting your kids in a room together. Yikes.

All I can say is, Yes they will adapt, yes, they will get used to sharing a room, yes you can definitely move them in together, and yes, there are things to make that transition smooth and workable. It may take time and not every night will be perfect, but they do get used to room sharing with a sibling…or 2, or 3. And it can be a totally manageable and workable setup.

Here are a few things to consider when putting your kids in together.

1. Stagger bedtime if you can - I know I have mentioned this before!

2. Child proof the room!

3. Move their beds as far apart as possible so they each have their own space with less chance of monkeying around when it’s actually time to go to sleep.

So yes, it’s super intimidating to think about putting your kids in together, I get it. I have been in your shoes before. But don’t worry, you have options on how to set it up and how to deal with the shenanigans that happen with siblings share a room.

Benefits of siblings sharing a room

There are a lot of benefits to siblings sharing a room and I’ve listed some of the below.

• They get a change to spend quality time together, outside of the hustle and bustle of life, school and home, etc…

• Kids can become more empathetic toward one another.

• Kids learn to share their space

• They will learn how to se boundaries

• They will have a tighter bond and friendship, albeit they will probably have their arguments and fights.

• There will be more space in your house with them in the same room

• You will have some nights where bedtime is streamlined and you aren’t dealing with multiple bedtimes.

Here’s a scenario just for you…

It’s quiet, the room is dark, there is no one else around and it’s bedtime and all they have is each other. There is nothing quite like that bond that siblings have when they get to share a room. They learn to rely on each other for comfort, support, they learn to respect each other’s space and they learn to create boundaries as well. I see this with my own kids and I often find myself smiling outside of the door listening to them whisper and talk about their day. They sneak pen and paper under the covers to make lists of all their plans for the future, they come up with creative things they will do over the weekend, projects and activities they will do together. There is nothing quite like that time they get together. And of course they obviously have their squabbles and make a lot of noise and trouble as well (but I gave you tips on how to handle that, so go back and see previous posts).

The best part of siblings sharing a room is that they get to giggle behind closed doors and create memories that will last a lifetime. I never shared a room with a sibling and while I am totally fine for it as an adult, I also love hearing the stories my husband tells us of his days sharing a room with siblings. I often wish I had the opportunity to build those kinds of memories and relationships with my siblings growing up. 

That being said, obviously there is nowhere that says siblings HAVE to share a room, and your child may get to a certain age and request his/her own room and that’s fine. If you have the space to give your teen their own room then do it. There comes a point where they may need more space and that’s for each family to figure out, but definitely something to keep in mind.

What happens when one child continuously wakes up the other child?

This is such a common dilemma, especially when one child is an early riser and the other isn’t. We’ve all  had to deal with this at some point or another with kids sharing a room. I know it’s happened in my house plenty. 

But how do you deal with it? I know that a lot of parents dread putting their kids together for this reason, and I get it. No parent wants to deal with early morning shenanigans early in the morning especially if the child who was woken up needs more sleep than he is getting.

Common questions I get asked about the early riser continuously waking his sibling early in the morning.

• Does the child who gets woken up ever learn to go back to sleep?

• Does the child who gets woken up ever learn to go back to sleep?

• Does the child who gets woken up ever adapt to the noise of his sibling?

• Does the early riser ever learn to just lay quietly in his/her bed?

• Does the early riser ever learn to sleep in later?

These are great questions they all have factors contributing to their varying answers. 

First of all, some children have a very hard time adjusting to there sibling making noise in the morning, so if you have one sensitive sleeper, this may be tough at first and there Is no saying exactly how long it will take for him to adjust to his early rising sibling in the morning. Some adjust quickly and for some it takes time. 

In regards to the early rising child, he may be a natural early riser and there is nothing to fix there, or there may be factors contributing to his early rising that you do have control over, like his bedtime, his daytime activity, daytime sleep, room set up, etc…

Eventually, the early rising child is old enough to understand that he cannot wake his sibling and this issue is usually fixed. Sometimes it takes a few reminders for this child to really understand that he cannot wake his sibling and sometimes it’s helpful to have a more realistic wake time for this child and allow him to come out of his bed earlier than his sibling.  

Here are some tips to help you troubleshoot this issue:

1. You can opt for an earlier wake time for both kids if one is waking the other. Any time after 6 am is considered an appropriate/normal wake time.

2. You can decide to take the early rising child out of the room, as not to wake her sibling.

3. Depending on the age of the child, you can get a stoplight clock or ok-to-wake clock to help them understand what time it is and to remain quiet until it's time to get up.

4. You can do nothing and leave both children in the room until their normal wake time - even if one wakes the other. They will eventually learn to either go back to sleep or remain quietly in their beds.

5. You can do nothing and leave both children in the room until their normal wake time - even if one wakes the other. They will eventually learn to either go back to sleep or remain quietly in their beds.

6. Make sure the room is dark and you have your white noise to help the sensitive sleeper. 

7. Lay out clear rules and expectations for children who are old enough to understand them. 

8. Don’t be afraid to implement consequences for children who are unable to follow those rules.

Adjusting expectations is a must

While we don’t have full control of what happens after lights out, there are some things we do have control over and I will tell you what that is. We all know they are going to talk after lights out - especially the older kids. We cannot expect them to crash into bed and fall asleep like robots, although wouldn’t that be nice! So lower your expectations when it comes to bedtime. They are going to talk anyway and there’s nothing you can do about it. So do yourselves a favor and stop trying to control that.

What you do have control over (mostly) is how much they get to talk and play and for how long, etc…you can go in and reinforce bedtime rules and expectations AFTER all is said and done and after they’ve had their fun. Worst case scenario you will have to separate them or take away their privilege of them being able to have the same bedtime and go to sleep together if they cannot be trusted to follow the rules. 

What expectations do you have about your child’s sleep?

If you have questions and concerns about your child’s sleep, feel free to send me a message or book a free discovery call so that I can answer all of your questions.