Tips for a Smooth, Successful Sleep Training Journey
Here are the things that make the biggest difference in how smoothly sleep training goes, from the first night through to the finish.
Be consistent
Consistency is key, and I don't care how cliché that sounds. An inconsistent approach can cause something called intermittent reinforcement, essentially sending mixed messages that unintentionally reinforce the crying and prolong the process. It's the "sometimes" issue: sometimes you go in after 2 minutes, sometimes after 15, sometimes you pick up, sometimes you don't. Your child can't make sense of "sometimes." They make sense of clear, concise, consistent messages, and that's what yields the most success. (I go much deeper on this, including why more responding can sometimes backfire too, in this post: "The Sometimes Problem.")
Start at night, not at naptime
A common question I hear is, "when do we start sleep training?" Preferably at night. You want to start after a day of decent naps, not after a day of no sleep and rough naps. A rested baby has a much easier time, and you'll also have less resistance at night than you would at nap time, since babies produce far more melatonin at night and are naturally more ready for sleep.
Get the bedtime right first
There's nothing more counterproductive than the wrong bedtime, in general and especially during sleep training. We're not aiming for a perfect bedtime, just an ideal, realistic one, based on an appropriate wake window, not too early and not too late. The wrong bedtime means more tears, whether baby wasn't tired enough yet or was already overtired and wired. When choosing a bedtime, consider your child's wake window and when their last nap ended. An average bedtime falls around 7 to 7:30 PM, though anywhere from 6 to 8 PM can work. I've always leaned earlier, around 6 to 6:30, and it's worked well. Once you land on a bedtime, stick to it. It can vary by 30 minutes or so night to night, but it should stay roughly consistent.
Stick to one schedule
A consistent wake time, nap schedule, and bedtime help your baby adapt to a routine faster and regulate their body clock. Your baby will sleep much better during and after sleep training on a reliable routine than on a schedule that shifts too much day to day.
Avoid saving naps
I generally don't recommend saving naps during sleep training. Saving a nap tells your child that they can try to fall asleep on their own for a while, cry, fuss, call out, but that eventually you'll step in and save it anyway. It's the same "sometimes" pattern again, just showing up at nap time instead of at night.
Saving naps can:
Take away the opportunity to learn to fall asleep independently
Confuse your child, since your nighttime response may look different
Perpetuate a cat-napping cycle
Create an expectation
Reinforce more tears
Create a sleep crutch
There are exceptions. A very young infant who's had a rough day and is entering bedtime wildly overtired, or a baby who's about to be awake for an unreasonable stretch before bed, may benefit from a saved nap here and there. It's fine to help your child occasionally, but try to save that for after they've mastered falling asleep independently, not while they're still learning the skill.
Stay home and keep it familiar
You don't want to be traveling in the middle of sleep training. If you're teaching your baby to sleep independently in their own space, the best thing you can do is be as homebound as possible. It comes back to consistency and familiarity. The more they sleep in their own crib and room, the faster they'll adapt to it.
Don't split nap and night training
I always recommend training naps and nighttime together. Splitting them often prolongs the process and confuses your child, since you're sending one message at night and a different one during the day, and asking your child to make sense of both. Parents often split the two thinking it's gentler, but it usually backfires: your child is left trying to reconcile two different sets of rules, which is a lot to ask.
If parents feel strongly about splitting the training, I'll meet them there, but it's rarely the smoothest path. An easygoing baby might do fine with it, but more often it prolongs things and adds unnecessary tears and confusion. If you've split nap and night training and progress has stalled, this may be why.
Make sure baby is eating well
Babies need adequate feedings to sleep well. A baby who isn't eating enough during the day will have a harder time settling and staying asleep, which can hinder the whole process. Whether or not you follow a formal feeding schedule, make sure your baby is getting the right amount of food for their age before you start.
Put baby down awake
This one makes a real difference. It's tempting to let baby fall asleep before you put them down, even just once, but it works against what you're trying to teach. The more consistently you put baby down awake, the faster they'll learn to fall asleep independently, including back to sleep after a night waking.
Babies expect their environment to stay the same as when they fell asleep. If they're used to being rocked at the start of the night, they'll expect the same thing during a night waking or before a nap. If baby happens to fall asleep during a feeding once in a while, that's fine, just try adjusting the feeding a little earlier next time. The goal is consistency in how you put your child down, since that's the fastest path to independent sleep.
Be confident in your approach
Confidence matters. You need to feel settled in your decision to sleep train, and clear on why you're doing it. If you're not sure of your plan or you're not following through consistently, your baby won't be able to make sense of it either. Confidence in the process is what lets you follow the plan through and actually see results.
That's the full picture. Sleep training goes smoothest when the message you're sending is clear and the same, night after night, nap after nap.
Are you struggling with any of these? Tell me which one below.
